UCI – A Cautionary Tale

The other night I went to the movies with Fukui-san, not the nice movie theatre, we went to the crap one in UCI because we had business there earlier. The movie was great, the outing was wonderful, and we had a blast. This is the same movie (Quantum of Solace) we were supposed to watch with our Judas Brutus “friends” before they ditched us. I know you’re probably thinking that that’s impossible, who would do that to you considering all your public threats to blacklist people right and left. Well, apparently they didn’t get the memo. As it turns out, the universe took care of things for us and they were late for their showing and ended up sitting 3 ft away from the big screen where you have a clear view to nose hairs and cavities. Yes, you don’t mess with me and get away with it. If I don’t get you, the universe will. Our showing on the other hand was wonderful. We had perfect seats and were surrounded by couples and mature adults as opposed to a bunch of screaming and popcorn throwing teenagers.

That’s really not my story, though. Before the movie started I went to the bathroom and lo and behold, there was no TP – true story. This is a cautionary tale and incidentally a Power and Protection story. You would think that since you’re paying a king’s ransom to watch a movie on a week night that they would make sure the bathrooms are always stocked and clean. How hard is it to do that? Am I asking for too much? Am I reaching for the stars? All I want is a urine-free floor and some TP. There is something very ridiculous about a company that cannot guarantee TP in their bathrooms. In my opinion they should either provide us with the minimum required for comfort or admit defeat and cease to exist. The popular quote “É por isso que o Brasil não vai pra frente” springs to mind and I can’t help but see how it’s the little things that make or break a society. Something like this would never happen in the US with their infinite supplies of Charmin and automatically flushing toilets, (I can only imagine what public bathrooms must be like in Japan). As Oscar Wilde once said, “One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be”. So I think what I’m trying to say is, that at this point in time our country may not ready to take on the responsibility of stocking up on some extravagant luxuries like TP, soap, and paper towels.

Back to my story: I had an initial moment of panic where I was dreading having to do the squat samba when I remembered that when I was putting on my makeup earlier I took the TP I had in my hand (for any lipstick corrections) and put it in my makeup bag. I was touched by an angel, safe and sound. That’s why it’s important to follow your instincts, you never know when the most seemingly unimportant thing could save your life, or as in my case, a movie. I dream of a day when we too will have automatically flushing toilets, seat protectors and soap. But in the meantime I’ll be sure to always keep some tissue nearby so I don’t have to rely on divine intervention to save me.