Thursday, November 20, 2008

Toilets in the News

International bathroom day in Berlin was a special occasion where the participants could choose to either sit on the toilet with the lid down or up. Comfort was not a number 1 priority at this event, number 2 was. No, I’m just kidding – number 1 and number 2 were given equal importance. You can look at pictures and read the whole article here.

While the news above is a bit off beat, I have an even better story which you can read in full here: a man stole a toilet in Argentina and then when cops stopped to check with the store he stole it from, he escaped with the police car and the toilet. This is where it turned into a real toilet car chase involving helicopters and the full strength of the Argentine police force. They went all out with their super updated GPS technology and spared no expense to catch this white porcelain criminal. The toilet thief didn’t get away a second time but was hauled off to jail much to the relief of all involved in this scary, life threatening experience.

So, what I understood from this article is that Argentina is such a crime free zone, and thievery is so random, cops are just sitting around waiting for someone to do something so they can let the dogs loose, helicopters, Robocop and SWAT to retrieve whatever it may be, regardless of how foolish they might look for doing so. God forbid someone should ever steal a bathtub or they’ll be forced to call on the British navy stationed in the Falkland Islands to join in the fray and possibly declare a state of siege until the perpetrator is caught and the goods returned. I can see it now, a naval captain with a Tommy Lee Jones complex: “Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed carrying a toilet over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is Juan Paco Chihuahua G├║zman Sanches. He is armed with a flush and toilet paper, so all of you be careful out there. Go get him”.

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