Child, Please

This is the perfect "Child, please" face

Our Presidential elections are coming up and while normally this would be a momentous and joyous occasion, in this particular instance, this particular year, we are officially optionless. I would like to say that the political parties of my beloved homeland know what they're doing, make intelligent decisions, and are composed of the most extraordinary minds in the country - but sadly this is not the case.

Our options for President of the Republic at present are: a bumbling fool of an idiot and a terrorist/thief/liar - Serra and Dilma.

The bitter truth is that the political parties of Brazil are a collection of mishmash losers, a hodgepodge of grumpy old men with either nothing better to do killing time between one thing and another, bouncing about from party to party with no loyalty or conviction of their own, or more likely - and I'm not making this up - fleeing from the law. There is a law here that states that if you run for a position in the government you cannot be indicted. So naturally, hoards of fools and idiots cling to whatever they can find, any party that will let them in - and parties are not choosy - to ward off the law, stall and keep the dogs at bay for as long and stupidly possible.

Unfortunately there is no law against stupidity in government, so the honored seats of our Senate and nearly every seat in government is occupied by the most mind-numbingly stupid people Brazil has had the misfortune to breed. There should be a list of mandatory qualities candidates and persons in government must have including, but not limited to:

• The minimum IQ needed to successfully fulfill their duties in office
• Must have the moral qualities of a productive and educated human being
• Is expected to function properly in public and be socially adept
  
• Must not have a criminal record of any kind, and/or audio/video recordings of blatant corruption, any and all illegal and illicit activities regardless of whether they have been charged and/or convicted of the crimes
  
• Must not be a thief, liar, terrorist or bitch
• Must not own castles and monuments or any type of grotesque displays of disrespect to the taxpayer's blood, sweat and tears
  
• Must be admired by at least one intelligent person
  

It seems the list could go on and on, doesn't it? But the fact of the matter is that once in government they should uphold all of the aforementioned and if found guilty of any of the above, should be held accountable and in certain true, and not at all made up cases (like the castles/monuments/terrorist etc), possibly drawn and quartered. And let us not forget, if their only accomplishment during their term is to sit around and come up with ridiculous new laws that do not benefit the country as a whole, but in reality benefit themselves as thieves, hypocrites and liars, then they should be immediately removed and another should be put in their place.

That being said, I may not be so rash as to ask for asylum in another country as was suggested recently by a columnist in the most successful newspaper in the country, but it does really make you wonder if this is all a sick, sick joke someone's playing on us while they bust a gut laughing so hard.

Is it really possible that there is no one, not one good man or woman in this whole country that is qualified for the job and is willing to do it?

In the words of the dork on The League - best show ever - quoting Chad Ochocinco, "Child, please" - watch here.