Movie Review: Knowing

It's not that the movie wasn't great, "Nothing to write home about", "I've seen better", or "It's a one-timer". In fact, had it been any of the above I probably wouldn't be wasting precious megabytes writing about it. The movie was in fact a fantastic suckfest. A giant poo on the glorious peaks of Summit Entertainment. A triumphant belly flop into the pool of mediocrity.

Am I being too harsh? I don't think so. The movie is uniquely ridiculous. There is no redeeming element.

The plot is absurd and stupid. Summary: Nicolas Cage - and his weird pervert hair - is a lonely and troubled widower raising a very cute child who the writer felt needed a hearing aid, even though he hears well without it and it's not instrumental in any way to the story. He's a good father, but drinks like he's trying to prove something. Oh, he's also a professor at MIT. His son's elementary school digs up a time capsule from 50 years earlier and one of the sealed envelopes contains a series of numbers which he later discovers are dates to major disasters in the world in the last 50 years, as well as the number of people killed in them, written by one of the kids in the class (50 yrs ago). So far, so good.

There are creepy albino stalkers who look like they fell out of the Matrix and who don't speak but just stare at the children and whisper in a really creepy way. The movie actually calls them the "whisper people". There's eerie music, visions, scurrying about frantically, major catastrophes, etc. The movie has a forced spooky element for a while.

Then, out of nowhere the story takes a seriously wrong turn and develops into new age vomit. It's like it was written by either 1 person with multiple personalities, or several people with 1 personality each. It's loco. There is an end-of-the-world warning, no way to save mankind, unnecessary death of a mother, kids abandoning parents to go on a space ship with the creepy whisper and stare people who turn out to be beings of energy from another planet with energy wings...so they're alien energy angels? The whole scene is messed up. They take rabbits with them, and I imagine - although it's not mentioned - samples of species from the planet. Then the kids take off in a Fortress of Solitude looking space ship with the energy fairies and the world burns up in a solar flare along with Nicolas Cage and everyone else.

Later it shows the 2 kids on the planet they were deposited in by the Fortress of Solitude alien energy angel fairies running towards what looks like the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil - eh? Question: isn't it dangerous to have 2 kids all alone on a bogus planet that looks like coral reefs in pastel colors along with a bunch of sample species? Come lunch time it won't look like some old washed up hippie's tripped out idea of heaven anymore, will it?

I'm thinking that before I set aside good dish washing and floor scrubbing time to watch anything written by Ryne Douglas Pearson (yep, I researched the writer so I could be advised for next time and to warn all of you - you're welcome), I'm going to make sure there are no urgent diapers that need to be changed, or garbage to be taken out, roads to asphalt in 40°C heat - and I suggest you do the same. While we're at it, let's throw in the director as well, Alex Proyas. What was he thinking?

This brings me to the most important question of all: How does one go about getting a massive flop like Knowing made into a movie, convince a director, studio, and top actors to sign on, and most of all, investors to put in money? $50 million, to be exact. Either this is a case like "The Producers" where they needed a flop for tax purposes, or someone sold their soul to the Satan (you know what I think). This is not the work of intelligent or enlightened minds. This is the work of really weird people who drink "special" tea and eat "special" mushrooms, followed by "special" acid trips -- or just your regular garden variety crazies.

Bottom line: DON'T.

Child, Please

This is the perfect "Child, please" face

Our Presidential elections are coming up and while normally this would be a momentous and joyous occasion, in this particular instance, this particular year, we are officially optionless. I would like to say that the political parties of my beloved homeland know what they're doing, make intelligent decisions, and are composed of the most extraordinary minds in the country - but sadly this is not the case.

Our options for President of the Republic at present are: a bumbling fool of an idiot and a terrorist/thief/liar - Serra and Dilma.

The bitter truth is that the political parties of Brazil are a collection of mishmash losers, a hodgepodge of grumpy old men with either nothing better to do killing time between one thing and another, bouncing about from party to party with no loyalty or conviction of their own, or more likely - and I'm not making this up - fleeing from the law. There is a law here that states that if you run for a position in the government you cannot be indicted. So naturally, hoards of fools and idiots cling to whatever they can find, any party that will let them in - and parties are not choosy - to ward off the law, stall and keep the dogs at bay for as long and stupidly possible.

Unfortunately there is no law against stupidity in government, so the honored seats of our Senate and nearly every seat in government is occupied by the most mind-numbingly stupid people Brazil has had the misfortune to breed. There should be a list of mandatory qualities candidates and persons in government must have including, but not limited to:

• The minimum IQ needed to successfully fulfill their duties in office
• Must have the moral qualities of a productive and educated human being
• Is expected to function properly in public and be socially adept
  
• Must not have a criminal record of any kind, and/or audio/video recordings of blatant corruption, any and all illegal and illicit activities regardless of whether they have been charged and/or convicted of the crimes
  
• Must not be a thief, liar, terrorist or bitch
• Must not own castles and monuments or any type of grotesque displays of disrespect to the taxpayer's blood, sweat and tears
  
• Must be admired by at least one intelligent person
  

It seems the list could go on and on, doesn't it? But the fact of the matter is that once in government they should uphold all of the aforementioned and if found guilty of any of the above, should be held accountable and in certain true, and not at all made up cases (like the castles/monuments/terrorist etc), possibly drawn and quartered. And let us not forget, if their only accomplishment during their term is to sit around and come up with ridiculous new laws that do not benefit the country as a whole, but in reality benefit themselves as thieves, hypocrites and liars, then they should be immediately removed and another should be put in their place.

That being said, I may not be so rash as to ask for asylum in another country as was suggested recently by a columnist in the most successful newspaper in the country, but it does really make you wonder if this is all a sick, sick joke someone's playing on us while they bust a gut laughing so hard.

Is it really possible that there is no one, not one good man or woman in this whole country that is qualified for the job and is willing to do it?

In the words of the dork on The League - best show ever - quoting Chad Ochocinco, "Child, please" - watch here.

When He Was Wicked -- Not

I picked up a romance novel the other day because the title of the book is, When He Was Wicked by Julia Quinn. Call me crazy, but the title lead me to believe there were be stories, tales, tidbits, morsels - if you will - of someone being wicked.

There weren't. Not a one.

The "wicked" character in the book starts off from the very first page not being wicked. In fact, he is responsible, sensible, and respectful. Yuck. If I wanted to read a book about someone like that I would have chosen a book titled The Saint. Basic outline: the character is in love with his cousins wife, so he pines, yearns and broods the pages away like a lovesick puppy visibly drooling every time this "vision of grace and elegance" walks into the room. Total yawnfest. The only time there is any mention of him being wicked is when he's feeling sorry for himself and thinking, "Things were so much easier.....when I was wicked". The author actually tries to insert the word "wicked" here and there to justify the title but it's misplaced and weird.

Where is the wickedness? Argh. I feel like the person in the funk song "Tell me something good" - because this book, well, how can I put it - is not good. I find it odd that there are so many glowing reviews on Amazon - very misleading. Julia Quinn is not her usual self in this book, the characters are meh, and overall it was neither fun nor funny. That's a problem for me, because I usually read these books because they're fun or because I find them hilarious. So, this gets a 1 star rating from me.

So in summary, my complaint is: he was not wicked, no one was wicked, where is Jilly Cooper's Rupert Cambell-Black when you need him?

Benefit: Current Loves

It's been a while since we talked about makeup. I wanted to talk about some new super products I have been using and am very pleased with. The first is something I buy every year when the weather starts to warm up and that's blue mascara. I usually go with Dior or Bourjois, but this year I went with Benefit's Bad Gal Lash in blue. This is a darker blue than I'm used to and because of this it is a perfect addition to one's makeup all year round. It doesn't scream blue right off the bat, but it does enhance the loveliness of my eyes and there is a definite hue de blue. I think this is a perfect mascara for any eye color, and anyone. If you're shy about using colored mascara, give this a go.


The other product - and I cannot rave enough about it - is Benefit Powderflage. There is some controversy regarding the efficacy of this product. It's advertised as a subtle highlighter, it's not. I don't see any highlighting benefits at all. On the other hand, it does what no product has done before - it sets under eye concealer perfectly. And I mean perfectly. I hate when concealer creases under my eyes and I think this is an overall concern with everyone. There is no concealer on earth that will stay crease-free all day without a little help. Powderflage is all the help it needs. Example: I have a friend who layers her concealer like it's going out of style because she has serious bags under her eyes. She uses Kriolan concealer (super highly pigmented stuff) and still needs to layer. So when I did her makeup for her mother's wedding I applied Powderflage in between each of the layers. The result - magic. For the whole evening which included dancing, eating, laughing. making out and getting drunk, her concealer didn't budge. Not once. True story.


Last but not least, the lovely, lovely Thrrrob - also by Benefit. It adds the perfect amount of flush to the cheeks. Beautiful, discreet, sexy, and worth every penny. It contains more product (double most blushes on the market).

Makeup: Classy, High Society Look

Love this look, love the do, love everything. Read the article here. I believe I have to add a product to my Must-Have list....

Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything, but you know that super cute movie, High Society, with Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra? Isn't it adorable? It's a perfect rainy Saturday afternoon movie.

Awesome!

Guy Ritchie directed this short for Dior Homme - a perfume I love, love. My favorite moment is at the end when she has her Carmen Sandiego outfit on - ultra sexy version, natch, and stunning, seductive, rich burgundy lipstick, then the Carmen Sandiego silhouette standing next to the Eiffel Tower. So cool!

Poetry: Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
-Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieve it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Ferré by Gianfranco Ferré

I love, love the scent of the iris flower and more specifically, iris root, so whenever I hear of an iris fragrance, new or old, I run to check it out. I had heard many things about Ferré by Gianfranco Ferré but it was always difficult to find in stores. After a long and rather impatient wait I came face to face with the scent that enrich my life and fill it with all kinds of happiness.

This perfume is everything an iris perfume should be. It's transparent, crisp, but at the same time has a sensous depth. When you put it on it envelopes you - I love that. It kind of becomes part or your aura, the perfume-y word for that is sillage. It's so feminine and sweet without being cloying or pink and annoying like so many sweet perfumes are today. The notes are a mix of fruit and flowers, but not done in the boring modern fruity-floral classification of today. No, there is a harmony here and every element works together to make it the kind of scent that can easily be worn every day, or for a romantic dinner, a signature fragrance, the sky's the limit. Just stunning. A keeper.

Ferré includes notes of bergamot, iris leaves, honeydew melon, pineapple, freesia, iris petals, jasmine, rose, ylang-ylang, magnolia, basmati rice, Florentine iris root, amber, vanilla.

What to do, what to do?

Well, now that I have nothing to look forward to since my fave show, MasterChef Australia, finished I guess I have to sit around and wait for someone to have another awesome idea - unlikely - or wait for MasterChef Australia to come up with a cool show while we all anxiously await the next fantastic season --- much more likely. So I stumbled upon this promo and it blew me away. Cannot friggin' wait.