Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Deep Thoughts: Evolution

As I lay on the waxing table being horrifically tortured by a she-devil named Fabiana I was trying to decide what was worse: the excrutiating pain or my mortification at the humiliating position I was in (I'll let your imagination take that one for a spin) - for a long, long (what seemed like endless days) period of time. I tried desperately to go to my happy place, but it just wasn't working. This is when I began to ask myself the serious questions, the existential ones, the ones that change your life forever.

Could Evolution be the great truth and Creation the fib?

Christians, bear with me a while before blocking my blog from your reading list.

The question I asked myself was: why would a God, a deity of any kind, purposely create (in His own likeness, I might add) a being that is delicate, beautiful, graceful and the representation of all that is pure and wonderful in the world - the female - why would God create this creature and then at the very end say, "There's something missing....hmmm...I know! I'll put hair - everywhere!" The whole thing screams diabolical joke to me, and I have a few guesses about who was involved -- Satan, perhaps?

I try to understand the cockamimi poo they feed us about how body hair is there for protection, puh-lease - does anyone really believe that? Women the world over are ripping out body hair from the roots, tweezing, plucking, pouring molten lava all over themselves in a desperate attempt to rid themselves of this "much needed" protection. We live our lives perfectly protected without it, thank you. Which brings me back to my original question - we don't need it, we don't want it, it's yuck - so why is it there?

Personally I think it makes much more sense that cosmic randomness, big bang caca, monkey ancestor baloney, is the cause of all this hooey. It's really the only logical explanation and makes the degrading monthly visits almost endurable. It's a mistake. No one meant for this to happen. You're bleeding from your hair folicles because the universe is wack - not because someone put it there on purpose. You see? Do you feel better now? - Not really.


angie said...

Totally agree. Spending a lifetime plucking, shaving, waxing and epillating can only be due to the direct influence of Satan him(her?)self... most likely in the form of a hairy ape-like ancestor... horrors!

Livvy said...

AGREE!!! The connection between excess body hair and Satan can be further confirmed in two steps:

1. Having excess body hair gives the impression of being dirty or lazy, but mainly dirty.

2. We KNOW that "cleanliness is next to godliness" (...and who has ever argued with that statement?), AHA! dirtiness is, obvi, of Satan the devil.

The only obvious conclusion: If your genetic package came with a devilish amount of excess hair, you now know who had a hand in making the ancestors of the masterpiece that is you and I.

Leticia Moraes said...

Quanto exagero, meu Deus!!!!!!

Gigi said...

I also have no clue why we have to endure so much pain because of our "hair everywhere" condition. Maybe if having hairy legs was the "right" and "sexy" thing nowadays it would be easier - or not.

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